Something Old, Something Queer, Something Borrowed, Something Near
UPDATED TRADITIONS FOR LGBQT COUPLES
2018 has been a HUGELY important year for equality in Australia. With the (seriously delayed) legalisation of Marriage Equality we can now all see our LGBQT friends, family members, and associates get their wedding on.
But, weddings come with a whole world of traditions and expectations that don’t always make sense for a same sex couple. Do we both wear dresses or both wear suits? Does one of us still walk down the aisle towards the other one? Are we meant to have separate ‘hens’ or ‘bucks’ parties?
The answer to these questions and many more are of course, you can do whatever you like!
However, traditions are powerful creatures and not to be discounted. They can evoke the history of couples who have stood in the same spot and taken that same step. They border important moments and act as a rite of passage to help make the situation feel so much more real.
Already existing traditions are starting to transform and new, distinct traditions are starting to emerge.
- Pre-Wedding Separation? Nuh-uh.
Rather than staying apart the night and morning before the ceremony, many same-sex couples are opting to spend the pre-wedding time together. Spending the Wedding Eve together means you can reflect on what’s to come the next day, chat and calm each others nerves. And getting ready together, hair done, makeup in place and outfit on, means you can spend the fun prep time with your best friend.
2. Combined Engagement Parties!
Rather than keeping everyone separate at a ‘Bucks’ or ‘Hens’ Do, get everyone together to party en masse! Crazy Hijinks mandatory. Jelly Genitals optional.
3. Best Girls and Bridesmen
They are there to be your support team, to drink Mimosas with while you get ready, to calm your nerves, and to tell you when your skirt is tucked into your undies. Shout out to the Best Girls and the Bridesmen saying no to Gender Restrictions!
4. Who walks down the Aisle?
We all know of the traditional processional format, with the Groom standing at the head of the aisle and the Bride walking down towards him. But what happens when there are two Brides or two Grooms? Again, it completely depends on each individual relationship and what you want to do. Depending on location, each person walking from a separate entrance (with or without someone escorting you) and arriving at the head of the aisle together is a really lovely representation of the relationship (and aesthetically pleasing), or simply walking from the same entrance together hand in hand.
5. Exchanging Something Other than a Ring
As Marriage Equality is very new in Australia, but being gay is not, many marrying couples have already been with their partner for decades, so the idea of wearing a ring may feel just a little odd. The Ring exchange is really a physical emblem of the day and the vows you exchange, and so can be transformed into something else. You can exchange cufflinks, or watches, earrings, or a necklace. Or nothing at all. Then again, for those that are really keen you could always get matching tattoos!
6. Dresses, Suits, White or Multicoloured?
Don’t want to wear white? Wear your favourite colour instead, wear floral, wear stripes, wear a suit, wear a jumpsuit, wear matching jumpsuits, just wear what makes you happy!
7. The Story of You
Getting married is a big deal, and we all arrive at that point with a story and tribe of characters who helped us become that person. Telling the Story of You, of the relationship so far, is a great way to reflect on all that has happened to bring you to this point, as you look forward and step into the next phase.
8. Aaand a special mention to the writers at BuzzFeed for their suggestion we update that old poem for a new age: “Something Old, Something Queer, Something Borrowed, Something Dear”.